I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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