the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
