You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
