My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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