just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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