this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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