actually, I'm a sock model
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
