All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
