1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
