i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
