he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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