my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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