Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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