I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
