I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
