I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
