Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is the high leading the old right now
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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