i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
