You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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