I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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