omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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