Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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