yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
