if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
