Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
