hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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