we have officially lost it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
