Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
