my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
