your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
