just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
