She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
