I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
