How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Randomize
