We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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