So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
