I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
