did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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