just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
