So drunk its hurt
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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