I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
