I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he fucked my hip out of place.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
