twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
