For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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