So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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