you traded sex for a burrito?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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