You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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