Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There r osticjed everywhere
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
