me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
