Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
