dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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