i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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