Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
