woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
