Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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