What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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