im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
